yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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