I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
