I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
