I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
