I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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