she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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