Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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