I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
