To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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