Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
