Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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