So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
