I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
