I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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