So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
