pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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