I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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