sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want to make out with him forever
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
