My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
