time to smoke my breakfast
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My feet surprised me
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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