shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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