please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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