oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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