You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
