She just used a chaser for red wine.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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