okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
