Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
