Do you still have your period?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Enjoy the penises
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
