I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
