Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
