We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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