apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
