Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
