just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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