Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
