SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
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I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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