there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
