I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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