Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
