I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
