just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
