Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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