How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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