the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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