I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
