My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
