Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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