Define "chronic" masturbator.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am mentally ready for anal.
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