You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Randomize
