Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
