I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
