Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
