Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
