Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
