The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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