So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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