He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
