i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
