Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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