THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
