My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
