Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
