you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
